Time to re examine my life

so today was an okay day. but like for a strange reason i had to shed some tears. it was weird i had so much on my mind i cant even express it. i have some many things i want to tell you, but i don’t want everyone to know D: . people might think i cry for sympathy but no i cry for peace of mind. i cry to help myself get better. i cry to empty my sadness. i just want to leave the country and go and be somewhere i feel wanted. the things that go through my  mind are enough to drive someone crazy. i need someone to talk to face to face. i talk to my besties that live away but i need someone i can look in the face and just tell them my problems and if i cry then can give me a hug and lend me a shoulder to cry on but unfortunately aint no one on this island that is nice enough to take time outta their ‘busy’ life to hear what i have to say so i rather wait til i get home and talk to people who actually care. i dont like talking about my own people like this but its the way i feel. i dont wanna be here i wanna be somewhere else some where i can be my self somewhere i can be free. i just wanna roam and be carefree like every other girl in the world :[

bye.

Here i am again

Lord so college just reopened and i feel like it might be a good year ;’) hopefully. i still feel crappy sometimes but maybe this is the year i get help. i hope D:  i seriously need it this depression drives me crazy. i want to be happy like every other teenager. my life is a complete depression zone i just want everything to be normal again. gosh some people see me and think i am so weird they have no idea what i go through everyday. they don't know how i cry myself to sleep sometimes and how i don't even feel like I'm worthy enough to breathe the same air they do. they all have perfect lives. mine is a struggle. i wish i could be like some of them they have everything i want. i have nothing ;l. i am thankful for what i do have but there are things i wish i could have. its not nice to be covetous but i am only human. why must i suffer when I'm so nice. i do things for people. i go out of my way to make people feel special. i complement them all the time tell them  they look beautiful and they look pretty or they’re personality is amazing. i get very few compliments, but I'm thankful for the ones i do get because at least some  people see me for the genuine person i am.

Sometimes i Need a friend.

okay so im such a nice girl but yet everything  never seems to go my way. sometimes i just wanna show people who i really am but its really hard. i wish that i could be that person i pretend to be, “that i dont give shit person” but its not the way how life goes. i have so many hidden emotions i bottle up everyday that i am afriad to show because people will judge me. I have really good friends i must say that i can laugh with but for some reason i’m afraid to cry infront of them because there are certain things i just don’t wanna say. there is literally one person on this earth who knows everything about me :’) and i must say hes like a beacon of hope  he’s like an angel sent to make me feel better. i always say people who are suicidal are dumb people who have low self esteems, but what about me? i am a hypocrit because sometime i feel like i wanna do the exact same thing.  my life is a struggle i wish my one person who knows me most was here to hug me and reassure me that everything will be okay. sometimes hugs are all i need. no one knows how one meaningful hug gets me thru and entire day. i need some sort of help…i need a friend.

sigh…why

I have a secret. when i was 12 i was molested and i kept that secret for years. i never had the courage to tell my parents. i didnt know what to do. i kept it and i became withdrawn. i never wanted to go anywhere i always wanted to be alone. i pretended for 4 long years that everything was ok. one night i was talking to my best friend (and the love of my life) in florida. i told him what happened and he was mad. he convinced me to tell my mom but i refused. i told him if i told i dont know what would happen because it was a complicated situation. eventually i grew some balls and i told my mom about it. she was distraught and that made me cry ;( i felt horrible. even worse when i confronted the bastard he said he had no idea what i was talking about. that made me feel worse. why would i lie about something like that? why would i ruin someones reputation for no reason. that saturday was the worst saturday of my life. i called jake and my other bestfriend Aneysa and i told them about the situation and i cried to them and i said he denied it, even tho everyone believes me i still feel like shit because i just wanted him to apologise so maybe i can move on. he said sorry but how can u say sorry for something u never did? thats just messed up. up to to this day OCTOBER 19TH ive neverfully recovered im still sad but ive found some happiness. ive learned how to love and trust a male and ive gained two friends that i hope ill be keeping for a life time. i love Jacob and Aneysa because they were there for me the first time ever told anyone. also my friend ariel, she’s the only friend i told that lives in Antigua with me. shes a good person and it makes me smile whenever she expressed how much shes wants to kick the bastards ass for messing up mylife those three people will always remain in my heart.JACOBANEYSAARIEL

Liars !!!

So many People in the world are such liars. its HARD to trust anyone in these days. But Luckily there are still some truthful people in the world. People who arent afraid to tell you the truth evem though you will be mad.

Too Many fake people in the world annoys me  -.- its soo annoying smh Just tell the truth is that so hard? when people are trying their best to look out for someone they take u for granted which is the worst feeling in the world. sigh… i know what everyone is thinking “this must be how she feels or else she wouldnt be venting so much about it.” Well you are indeed right. these are my real feelings. it Hurts Like a Bxtch when Not even your friends can be Honest with you. when that happens its time to Pack up and find new friends.Life can either be a Comedy or a Tragedy u can either be Happy or sad but i think mine is usually tragedy :( "

Fakesss

Hola.no i dont speak spanish but i can make u understand it -.- goodnightt some people are jsut so fake u think that yall are cool but suddenly your not because so people are FAKE.they don't wanna listen to other people becuase thhey think they are "always right" and most of they times they are WRONG.ok sometimes i think im right too but i still listen to others. well a msg to some bxtches.. 
1) ur not as cute as u think yea ur pretty but not worth crying over
2) ur ass is fake so dont go around saying ur the realest friend anyone ever met. NO THE HELL UR NOT. 
so check ur shit bitch ur fake as hell. <3 
Duecez.